IT’S  AUTUMN. Let’s cheer ourselves up! Treat yourself to 2 minutes and 47 seconds of pure magic from David Armand to end the month. Then wonder why he doesn’t have his own show.  Then watch it again. •To catch up ...

It was a dream come true. I’d emptied my savings tin, My broad smile stretched From Bognor to Berlin I would be the proud owner Of a Diego Maradona boot, Now the barrel-chested ones, Latest fanclub recruit Sprinting down Whitechapel ...